Today was a great day of worship! Actually, for me it began last night. As you may be familiar, I am a lyrics operator at my church, which basically means I select and set up the backgrounds and lyrics slides for our worship services. We had guest worship leader/songwriter, Jared Anderson, lead worship for us. Rehearsal (for me) began at 8 p.m., when Jared arrived. However, I arrived about 20 minutes early. Our Shoreline band was practicing prior to Jared arriving, and they were absolutely rocking it! They had the songs down pat, and when Jared arrived, they completely nailed it. Our worship band amazes me each day! I think Jared was blown away also.
I'd have to say that Jared's song, "Great I Am," takes me to a place in my mind where it is just God and I. It takes me back to the moment I first accepted Jesus as my savior , and fell in love with Him, a little over 8 years ago. I had previously been in a pit so deep and slimy I never thought I'd be able to claw my way out. And, in fact, I wasn't able to...not without Him. I was about to get back into a relationship that had previously ended, not by my choice. The guy was wanting to rekindle it. It was completely unhealthy. I cannot even begin to tell you how much so. I was also on major pain medication and muscle relaxers because I had hurt my back. I was completely depressed and probably more susceptible to getting back into this relationship. My son had been visiting with his grandparents a few hours away. When he returned, he told me how much he liked going to mass with them. I had been considering going to Shoreline for years but had never gotten the guts to do so. I wasn't brought up with church, God, Jesus, or anything of that nature. I figured, though, that I should keep up my son's momentum with the churchgoing so we went to Shoreline that first Sunday.
I fell in love. The pastor was doing a sermon on a book the church was reading called The Purpose Driven Life. The sermon hit home with me so much so that I bought the book that day and read it within just a few more. Apparently God was working on me during that time because my friend asked if I'd like to borrow her bible. I did, expecting that it would read like Greek as it always had previously. To my amazement, I could understand it this time! I couldn't remember if my friend had said to read John or 1John or any of the other Johns, so I read all of the above. A few days later, my friend sat with me while on a break at work and I accepted Jesus into my heart. A month later I was baptized in a small pool during a freezing cold day in November.
I was terrified! I felt like I had to "be good." And was I ready for this commitment? What if I changed my mind? Would lightning strike? I felt like my heart was flip-flopping in my chest all of the time, much like being in an exciting new love relationship. And that is just what it was!
Mostly because I was afraid of messing up, I did not go back into that relationship, and because of that, I (Jesus) probably saved my own life. I have no idea what the consequences would have been, but Jesus loved me enough to spare me. I won't say that the next 8 years were a walk in the park...there have definitely been ups and downs. Times when I have questioned my faith, argued with God over the "unfairness" of situations, backslid...you name it, I've probably done it wrong.
But I have to say, the last year I have experienced more growth than I ever thought possible. I went from reading the bible a few times a week, when I had time, to making time to read it each day. I began writing for the card ministry which I love so much. Last December I joined the Shoreline Production Team and have really found my niche. I love it! I get to be behind the scenes but still involved in the music which I love so much. I think God has provided me with the gift of doing it well. I am also involved in a women's bible study that offers me such support and fellowship. I actually hear God's promptings for my life instead of making my own decisions and hoping God said yes to them. When there is no answer, I know that this, itself, is an answer not to proceed until I hear his ok. I cannot emphasize how much that even if you feel you have no idea what you are doing, if God prompts you to serve, jump in and do it! I wasted seven years being too afraid to budge, thinking I was not equipped to do anything. My church offers training and they are so patient and supportive in helping one find the right ministry. Everyone is given gifts and these gifts must be used to promote the kingdom of God!
Even while writing this, I think I have heard a prompting of His will for my life. I've felt for a couple of years that I am supposed to write a bible study. I always push this call aside because I feel like I am ill-equipped and really have no idea where to start. Should be taking a spoonful of my own medicine right? I've written excerpts of situations from the bible, really trying to place the reader right into the situation, to give them the feel for it. I've shared these with the ladies from my previous bible study and they informed me I must do something with my gift of writing. I still declined. But recently I have rekindled a friendship with someone from my youth who is also a writer. We've been writing short stories and entering writing contests, all the while encouraging each other each step of the way. I've also started writing this blog and another. I KNOW how to write! And I think I do a decent job of it most of the time. Thus, I CAN answer this prompt from God, and really, I must! I've been forcing myself to write within the time constraints of contests as well as the word limits. This has been good practice, and I may continue to do so. But my heart hasn't been completely in it, and I believe this is because I am supposed to be writing something else, something in obedience to my Lord. I know it will be a lot of work, but it is my calling. He will guide me each step of the way. I have no idea where this will take me, but i f nothing else---I will have researched and learned so much more about the God I love and serve and love TO serve! I've no idea how to get published, or even what to base the study on at this point. I just know that I must do. So off I go...thanks for listening/readin!
