First Topic: Anxiety (Today's Discussion: Anxiety and Hebrews 13:5-6)

Hebrews 13:5-6

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 

5 "Never will I leave you; 

never will I forsake you.

6 So we say with confidence,

"The Lord is my helper;

I will not be afraid. 

What can mere mortals

do to me?"

(Bible Gateway, 2017)

Maybe this approach will work better for me; to unpack one verse at a time during the week of that topic. Who knows? Let's see! Yes, I am hyper today. I drink Vietnamese coffee in the morning (Vinacafe is THE BEST THING EVER!!!! Woohoo!). 

Anyway, back to the reality of things. The first line is something I really needed to hear right now: "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have...." I am holding so tightly to my house right now and it has become a great source of anxiety for me. I find myself in a place where my credit cards are maxed out because I have, well, lived beyond my means for quite awhile. When my husband and I purchased our home four years ago, we had rented a room to my coworker which eased the mortgage payment burden a tad. When she moved out, we still spent the same on luxuries such as entertainment, clothes, etc. ( I saw "we" but it was mostly me). And now I will start paying off student loans soon, that are the size of a car payment. So, yes, I am anxious about money. My biggest drive right now is that I cannot get it out of my mind that I cannot let my house go no matter what. I love my house! I think every day about the "what if's" with regard to the mortgage payment. So basically, I have a love of money and the home it has gotten me. I think about my money problems more than I think about God daily. And I get that this is a sin. 

The first verse is clearly a command. "KEEP your lives free...." I need to treat it as such. Wow, I am absorbing this probably as you are. I am just now getting it. "BE content." Another command, and something that is so difficult for me. I am always looking for the next thing. While I am eating a meal, I am thinking about what I will cook or where we will go for the next one. I do not luxuriate in the current one. When I have a day off of work, I am dreading the next day I go back, rather than enjoying the present. I did learn something interesting in a restorative yoga class that I take. The instructor says to visualize two envelopes or boxes or whatever. One is labeled "Past" and one "Future." Any thought that comes into one's mind is about something from the past or something that is going to happen. As each thought comes, place it into the correct envelope for later retrieval. Interestingly, even though I can never seem to relax, this practice works for me, when I'm at yoga (not so much when I'm not). I think that being content is a practice we have to learn, perhaps through prayer. I lack in the prayer department too. I pray in emergencies but always seem to forget to at any other time. Somehow, we need to set timers or do whatever we can to take the time to incorporate prayer into our lives so that we can ask for help and direction with these things. 

God will never leave or forsake us. This is the epitome of contentedness, or should be. In the depths of my soul, I know this to be true. But at the forefront of my mind, daily, I don't think much about it. God gives us His peace if we will accept it. Even in the midst of my money woes, He has it under control. He has a plan (another verse I will go into). Perhaps that plan is for me to lose my house. No matter how tightly I hold on to these material things, I can't hold tighter than He can take away. If He does take it, it will be for my own good, to bring me into a closer relationship to Him or to put me somewhere I need to be to help someone else. As I write this, I BELIEVE that the right people will see it. That someone needed it today or tomorrow, or whenever. 

And finally, the last verse indicates that because I have God, nothing anyone can do to me can take that away or make it lesser. I may feel hurt at the time, but I have something bigger to look forward to--a life in heaven when this one fades away. 

References:

Bible Gateway. (2017). Hebrews 13:5-6. Retrieved July 20, 2017, from https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews+13:5-6

Ideas for this Blog

Hey All,

When I started recreating my other two blogs, fishingdivasextraordinaire.blogspot.com and cupofsensibility.blogspot.com, I really had no intention of doing anything with this one. But, SOMETHING (Someone?!) grabbed my attention and got me updating it anyway. Like I mentioned previously, I have always wanted to write a bible study but never knew what to do it on. There are just so many topics and I am not the most decisive person in the world. I get overwhelmed easily with too many choices. But now I have an idea. I think I will do topical analyses on this blog. Perhaps one week, I will research verses that could pertain to depression. Another week, I will look into self-esteem. I have ideas of different topics for each week. And please feel free to comment on any topics you would like to see covered. My plan is to spend the week researching these areas of interest in the Bible and then doing a commentary at the end of the week. I am still deciding on this week's topic but will post it when I decide.

Adios!

Back Again

Hi!

It is I, the absentee blogger! I've recently started becoming active on my other blogs, Cup of Sensibility and Fishing Divas Extraordinnaire (which I JUST NOW realized I have misspelled on my blog!) and started looking over this blog again and realized...I miss it! I have been remiss in attending church and reading the bible as of late. I always let life get in the way of what is most important.A couple months ago, I was trying to find the right bible study to do but could not find one that really fits for me. I began to think maybe I should write my own. Writing has been so daunting for me lately, though. I just can't seem to get going. So maybe blogging is the answer. Since my mind is always all over the place, and I can never find one topic I feel  passionate to write a study about, perhaps I should write random bible musings here in the hopes that these reach someone who needs them.

Now, I must go try to figure out how to fix my misspelled blog. Grrrr.

Something Amazing

Have you ever felt like something amazing was just out of reach? This is how I feel right now. I feel like I'm climbing and climbing to the top of what feels like Mt. Everest, just to get a glimpse of the view on the other side. No matter how hard I try, the mountain continues to loom, and the fruits of my labor are just a few steps further, yet never within reach. But I will continue on this trek set out before me by my Lord. I will crawl if I have to, on hands and knees, reaching, fingernails scraping the ragged edge of the cliff to reach what He has for me. Eventually it will be revealed. It has to.

My Interpretation of Psalm 139

You have memorized each aspect of my being, Lord;

You know me through and through.

You see when I sink into my comfy chair to catch my breath,
And when I stretch to greet the morning sun.
Every thought that rushes through my brain, you capture and record in your Book of Life
You observe me rushing through the daily chores of life,
And when I collapse into my bed in exhaustion.
You know everything I will ever do.
When a word is but a thought,
You see it in the deep recesses of my mind.
You place your hand on the small of my back to guide me,
Yet it is there to hold me back from danger, also.
Your hand rests gently upon my head to remind me that you are there.
Knowing you accelerates my heart rate,
And butterflies flutter in my stomach because of Your great love.
Yet when I am rebellious, I try to turn from you,
But there is nowhere to go that I won’t be found.
You are like air, all around, everywhere, enveloping me in Your presence.
If I climb the highest mountain peak,
I am even closer to you in your heavens.
If I try to crawl into a pit of despair,
You find me, even there.
If I set out on an early morning trek,

You are already awake and waiting for me,

To join me on my excursion.
If I sail away on the farthest seas,
You lull me with the waves of your love.
No matter where I go,

You guide and protect me.

When I believe I’m well hidden under the weight of my sin,
You see the light in me that comes from loving you,
The perfect light that cannot be extinguished.
You created each intricate facet of me.
Before I had any knowledge of my being,
You knew exactly who I would one day become.
I am in awe of how you love me
And have planned my destiny.
How you so wonderfully made me.
How can I ever think badly of myself when I am
A reflection of you?
When I was not yet formed,
You infused me with the precise formula to make me
Who I would become in you.
You watched me grow,
And calendared each of my days according to your will.
You wrote the story of my life.
I stand amazed at how carefully planned I was by you,
From the beginning of time.
Your love is unfathomable.
Your dreams for me are too intricate  count
Please, Lord, protect me from all harm,
So I can continue to worship you, distraction-free.
Many mock my faith in you,
And slander your precious name.
But I will fight for you,
Even against those who entice wicked thoughts in me.
I will strive to convince them of your holy ways.
My enemies are many, but you are more.
Examine my heart, God,
Help me persevere as Job.
Yet I am afraid to ask you to sift me.
Can I hold up from your testing?
Weed out any wickedness from my soul,
And help me to follow you
Until I am called home.

Women's Retreat Part 2-He Speaks

OK, so I couldn’t wait ‘til tomorrow...

So if you know me, or if you read my other blog CupOfSensibility (also on blogger), you know that I have been consumed with doing something, anything, to help find missing teen, Sierra LaMar. About two weeks after I heard about her disappearance, I felt that God was moving in me to do something for this cause. I didn’t really stop to listen to WHAT I was supposed to be doing, but I decided on my own to join the volunteer search for her. I am a girly girl and hate bugs, dirt, mud, weeds, and wildlife. I also have a messed up body that rebels any time I try to do anything to exert it. I mean, hello, I’ve had two back surgeries, one shoulder surgery, and appendectomy and about 8 or 9 minor foot surgeries. But I decided I had to go. I had been praying for her, but I decided praying wasn’t enough. What was I thinking? Twice I got flaked on and finally a little over a week ago my husband and I went on the search. I wanted to be more in tune with the type of person she was so I read her tweets and read every bit of information I could find about her. I’ve been told I have the gift of empathy, and I agree that I do. But I tend to internalize other people’s pain so much so that it is to my own detriment. Following the search, I ached for her, for what she must be going through, had gone through, what her family and friends were going through. And I decided I must go on another search or many searches until she is found. I checked the news constantly for any word on her. It really became an obsession, but I didn’t see it. I was even a little sad about going to the retreat because it meant not being able to search for her that weekend.

So back to my quiet time at the retreat...

I sat in the warm sun, back against my log cabin, facing magnificent redwood trees, having a stare-down with a squirrel, and watching a lizard come out from under the porch, look up at me, then return back under it, only to do the same thing over and over again many times. I had read Psalm 139 over and over again. Finally, I closed my eyes. In my mind, I asked God what He wanted or needed to say to me. I wasn’t expecting much. But He spoke. He broke my heart and healed it again. All of this within fifteen minutes.

The first thing He told me was, “She is My child and is in My hands. She called out to me and I heard her.” I began to cry. I don’t know what has happened to her, but I realized at that moment that God has it under control. I need to let go. I will still search for her if that opportunity arises, but I don’t need to obsess. She is His. I do believe that she called out to Him. I don’t know the circumstances. I pray she is alive and well and will somehow make her way back to her family. But at least I know that God, her true Father, is with her. One I had my cry, I felt so at peace. It is not for me to bring her home, but for Him. I also felt that He convicted me that prayer is what matters most, not running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Prayer is the first and best resource I have. And maybe I am to show that to others. I tend to use it as a last resort after seeking counsel and trying to make my own way. That has to change.

I thought He was done talking to me at that point. But He wasn’t! A few minutes later, the following verse stuck in my head and repeated over and over...”Be still and know I am God.” I wasn’t sure at that point if it was a verse...I couldn’t remember. I knew it was in a song, though. Later, when I returned to the meeting hall, I was looking at some jewelry that was for sale. What did I find but a bracelet with “Be still and know I am God.” It is from Psalm 46:10. I bought it as a reminder when I am going crazy trying to do too much, and as a reminder of how He spoke to me.

There is so much more to write about...especially other things Debbie Alsdorf shared. But I will leave that for another blog post.

I pray for you all, that you, too, will hear from God as I did. I never in a million years thought it would happen to me, but He does speak. Hallelujah!

On My Church's Women's Retreat-Part 1

I attended my first church women’s retreat this past weekend. I am in awe! It was tons of fun! Not that I expected otherwise, but then, actually, I didn’t know really what to expect.

My sis, Bobbie, and I started the day at 10 a.m. and went shopping because I had decided the night before that I HAD to have jean capris to wear. Having not worn any in probably a year, I could not find mine. I bought a really cute pair.

Next we went to get pedicures. It was really relaxing and I love my blue toes with a flower design made out of little crystals.

We then had a yummy lunch at a chinese restaurant and then made our way to Santa Cruz. We tooled around the town for awhile and stopped at Gayle’s Bakery. If you’ve never had Gayle’s you absolutely MUST! The creme brulee was so rich and yummy!

Finally, we made our way to Kennolyn resort. It is a super cute little place with cabins and little storefronts that can be used for activities.

Once we settled in, we played ping pong or shall I say we attempted to play ping pong but mostly ended up chasing the balls down a hill.

We were challenged to a tournament by our tech guy for the weekend, whom Bobbie called Jake-ette as this was a women’s retreat after all! He creamed us.

We then had a scrumptious dinner. I can’t even begin to tell you how great the food is at Kennolyn. I felt like royalty. There was salmon that was perfectly cooked and moist, vegetable lasagna, and yummy pie, among a myriad of other things.

We heard a taste of our speaker, Debbie Alsdorf, If you ever have the opportunity to hear Debbie speak, DO IT! Oh my gosh, she is so personable and REAL. Her life is an open book and she shows you how to relate what she teaches to real life experiences. She opened up the discussion series talking about the three “P’s”--position, purpose and passion. About how God wants us to know who we are in Him so that we can understand His purpose for us. She really brought home how He knows each of us, protects us, and made us--and values all He has made.

After she spoke,  it was off to bed for us. Bobbie and I were sharing a room with two other ladies. They were totally sweet and we found out we have knitting and crocheting in common so watch out Shoreline, you may soon have a knitting or craft ministry coming!

I didn’t sleep so well but mainly because it was too quiet! I guess I’m too used to the sounds of cars driving by on my street and the highway sounds from a few blocks down. It was perfectly still and silent at Kennolyn. It was lovely to look out our skylight and see the stars above. I do have to confess, though, that I had scared the other ladies with talk of Jason from Friday the 13th. It’s what I do! No one wanted to sleep by the door even though there was an empty bed. My bad.

The next day, we heard from three ladies from my church on Romans 12:12. Maureen a.k.a. “Auntie Mo” spoke on the part, “Be joyful in hope.”  I loved her illustration on faith, hope and trust. She stated that faith is one side of a coin; hope the other side, the actual coin IS trust. We must hope with a strong and confident expectation. In chaos, there is no joy or hope. We must trust and continue to believe when we can’t see hope and faith. Amy then spoke on “Patient in affliction.” Specifically, she spoke on the sacrifice of praise. We must praise Him even when we can’t move another step. Finally, Sherry spoke about being “Faithful in prayer.” What we really believe we should be doing (praying), we will make a priority. I am going to do this! Many things get in the way of our prayer life but we must get on our knees each day because something happens each time we pray, even if we don’t know it.

After these wonderful ladies spoke, we were asked to go alone to a place where we could quietly pray and hopefully hear from God. The ladies had stated they wanted each of us to have a defining moment with Him while on the retreat. I went back to my cabin and sat on the porch stairs at the side. I could look at the redwoods before me. In fact, as I sat there,  a fat, fluffy squirrel watched me watching him. I usually have a hard time being still or shutting off my mind to hear anything of importance. Nevertheless, I did try. When I felt my mind racing, I began to read Psalm 139 as I knew Debbie would be speaking on it later. I read it over and over. Then I put it aside and closed my eyes and just listened. He did something amazing. He spoke.

(To be continued tomorrow...)