Getting Involved in Ministry/Discovering Spiritual Gifts

I’ve tried to find my ministry niche at my church for many years. When I first started going to church, the church was reading the Purpose Driven Life. There is a whole section on figuring out your spiritual gifts. I filled out questionnaires and read books all to discover that I couldn’t really figure out what my gifts were. I was sure I had none. I was a baby Christian with nowhere to serve. Looking back, I now know I could’ve served anywhere or everywhere and figured things out from there. Unfortunately, I was looking for the perfect fit.

One of our pastors spent a lot of time with me trying to help me figure things out. He asked me if I put aside any worries about my limitations, the logistics, etc, what would I want to do? I wanted to start a singles ministry. The church had an unofficial one. I was told that they preferred a husband and wife team to lead the singles group so as to avoid any dating drama, but still I was invited to meet with the unofficial single’s group leader to see if we could pull something together, and also to try to find a team to help out and people interested in joining. I really didn’t know anyone and I have to say, I dropped the ball. I’m an introvert and the idea of wrangling ministry leaders and members scared the hell out of me.

Next, I tried Children’s Ministry. I went through the fingerprinting process and started working in the nursery. It was a decent fit as I like babies. But then I got rubbed the wrong way. I apparently received a call after I went to sleep one Saturday night (my phone registered the time as 11:30 p.m.) telling me that I was needed the next morning to work in the nursery even though I wasn’t scheduled. I had plans to go out of town. I couldn’t get a hold of the leader the next morning and basically spent the day feeling bad and stressing that everyone thought I was a flake. Instead of being gracious and moving forward, I dropped out of the ministry.

Fast forward a few years...

I joined the church’s ministry that visits folks in convalescent hospitals. I loved it! But then my back gave out. I loved spending time with the residents but found myself bending to talk to them or hold hands, etc. Just standing and moving from room to room aggravated my back. Again, I stopped ministry.

Two surgeries later...

I underwent a few surgeries but still have issues and find that I can’t do the things I want to.  My church started a Ministry Launch team and I asked if we could have a “card” ministry. I found out we already had one and I was invited to join. I was thrilled as I love to write (not that you could tell...). For about a year I have been writing notes to members of the congregation letting them know our prayer team prays for their requests each week. I love that I can put my own spin on the cards. I look up relevant scripture verses to write at the top of the cards and then literally write a prayer to the person. I’m horrible at praying out loud or in front of others, but I love to write prayers. Our ministry also does cards for schools to let them know we pray for them during these difficult times. I think this is my favorite part of the ministry.

Although I loved my card ministry, I still felt that there was more I was supposed to be doing. I still didn’t know what, though. My church started a Monday night service and I really felt that I was supposed to somehow be a part of it. Yet I let fear overtake me. It’s not like I knew how to actually DO anything.

One Sunday I wasn’t able to make it to church so my husband and I decided to check out the Monday service. If you don’t know Shoreline, let me tell you, it is huge. There are hundreds of people at the three Sunday services. You can be completely anonymous if you want to. I always had been. The Monday service was different.

There were about 50 people at the service, if even. It was very intimate, with lights dim. Our lead pastor came over and talked to us. It was actually the first time I had officially met him although I felt like I’d known him for years because he is so engaging. Out bulletin contained a flyer asking if anyone would like to help out for Monday services. It listed the different areas in which help was needed. You could check off a box and return it during the offering. All during the service I felt like I was being nudged to fill it out. I felt like God was saying, “Hello, even if you flop, there are only fifty people here to see it.” I had always thought about applying to be a lyrics operator. I mean, how hard could it be?I think what kept me from it previously had been my fear of messing up in front of hundreds of people. I really had no excuse now. So I filled it out. And two days later I received an email about the position. I went in to meet with the Technical Director and began training. He did not expect me to know what I was doing, or to have any experience. He didn’t even seem to be annoyed that I had no clue what I was doing and acted like a ditzy blonde!

All this happened the week before Christmas. I volunteered for the Christmas Eve services at 4:30 p.m. and 11 p.m. That way I would have time to do an early Christmas Eve dinner with my mom. That day I got major stage fright. I was literally feeling sick to my stomach that I would screw something up in front of many seekers who may have decided to check out the church spur of the moment. I had sent an email to my boss stating my concerns. He wrote me back and the gist of what he said was that as long as I strove for excellence that was all that was expected. And that even if something went wrong, God can use any situation to reach others and maybe that is what was needed. I have never forgotten these words. And believe me, I do screw up. Quite often, in fact! But the staff never beats me over the head or gets mad about it. Ever. Oh and by the way, nothing went wrong during my Christmas services. Although I heard there were some demon spiders come out of the Christmas tree wreaking havoc at prior services!

Anyway, I guess my point is, don’t be afraid to get involved in ministry! There are so many opportunities and more than likely others will be quite willing and happy to train you! Don’t be afraid to branch out, out of your comfort zone. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me! I feel like I am truly in God’s will now and I’m never happier than when I am doing his work to support others in their experience with Him. After nearly 8 years, I have discovered my spiritual gifts (at least some of them). It takes trial and error but you have to be willing to step out and give it a try.

Anyway, that’s all for now folks!

On Easter

As Easter approaches, I've been doing a lot of thinking about its meaning. To some it means dyeing and hiding  Easter eggs, filling baskets  with candy and treats, eating said treats, having Easter dinner, and spending time with family and friends, maybe even going to church, what the hay?

To me, Easter is the most significant holiday there is. It begins on Good Friday when I mourn my Savior's gruesome and horribly torturous death. I remember the price He paid to save my lowly soul from captivity in hell due to my sin. How could someone love me so much to do such a thing? It's amazing. And it is TRUE.

I wish I would've known this when I was in my teen years and felt that the world was ending on a daily basis, that my life was over, or sadly wasn't over soon enough and I wanted to help it along. But everything in its own season. I learned the truth when I was meant to and not a second sooner.

My church's Good Friday services are always so beautiful. I remember one year entering into the sanctuary that was filled with fog. The lights were dimmed. There was a cross in front of the stage. I literally felt as if I was in the Garden of Gethsemane. On a prior Good Friday, each person that wanted to could write their sins on a slip of paper and then literally nail the list onto the cross. Although beautiful, Good Friday services are heartrendingly sad. It is on this day each year that I truly remember the price that was paid for me. I'm horrified anew by what was done to Jesus. Last weekend my pastor said something I hadn't known before. Jesus was scourged 39 times. For those of you that don't know what scourging is...here you are, but be warned--it isn't pretty:

"A scourge (from Italian scoriada, from Latin excoriare = "to flay" and corium = "skin") is a whip or lash, especially a multi-thong type used to inflict severe corporal punishment or self-mortification on the back."

But it wasn't the fact that He was scourged that caused me pause...it was the number. Why 39 times? I mean wouldn't it make more sense to do it in "tens" (not that this type of punishment could ever make sense)? Then my pastor gave the reason...the ones who had designed the punishment had found that a person could more often than not survive 39 scourges, but forty would usually kill a person. Wow. I don't understand how anyone could inflict a punishment that would leave another bloody, scarred, and to the brink of death. How could they live with themselves? Yet it had to be done...

I tend to leave the Good Friday service with tear streaked face and heavy heart.

And then Sunday comes...

Easter Sunday is a celebration. I wake up with such hope in my heart. Hope that I'm not alone, that this is not the end, that there is more to come...

Our Easter service is a joyful celebration that although Jesus died, He rose again! Because of this, I have a great comforter and redeemer, someone to intercede for me, someone to be there in my darkest hours to be my best friend and anything else I could ever need. There is hope in this desolate world! There is a plan for my life, and for everyone who believes! His death was not in vain! I wish everyone could know the joy I feel and the hope I have that can only come from Him. So many doubt, are broken down or defeated and I wish they just knew! But I will continue to scatter seed wherever and whenever I can.

If you never have before...I strongly recommend you go to an Easter service this year. Allow yourself to feel the magnitude of what God has done for you, whether you believe or question, whatever,...He will fill in the blanks. So come celebrate!

On Prayer and Hearing From God

Today I had the pleasure of hearing author Marilyn Hontz speak to the women of my church on the subject of prayer. All I can say is, "WOW! I am in awe!" Marilyn had us laughing and crying. She spoke about how her precious mother kept prayer journals for many years. Through these, she left a great legacy to her children. They learned of her prayers and answers to prayer. I am so inspired to do the same. I don't know if I'm disciplined enough to actually write a journal, but I can always record my prayers and answers to prayer through...what else?...this BLOG!

Today while listening to Marilyn, I believe I was being nudged by God regarding my bible study as yet to be written. For weeks I've been tossing around ideas in my mind, but haven't felt convicted to write about any one of the ideas. Today, I think I have more clarity. I have always wanted to be like others I know who seem to clearly hear from God. Part of my problem in not hearing from God is that I never make the time to be still and be with Him. I know this would be the first step in hearing from Him. I've felt called recently (in December) into being more of a participant in ministry and I have answered that call. I know it is from Him because it feels so right and I have a passion for it. I have also felt called to write a bible study for YEARS! And have not accepted this call. Well, I have, but I haven't actually started. Today I decided that I'm going to write a study about hearing from God. I plan to document my efforts in building a closer relationship with Him and hopefully this will resonate with others. I know this will be hard for me as I want instant results. Part of the reason I haven't written a book yet is because I want to start and finish it immediately! I don't want it to take time and research. This process will definitely stretch me but Lord knows I need it!

I can say I have heard from God once. And in a big way! It happened in a dream, but that is another story...

Til later, I leave you with the words of our Women's Ministry Director, Sherry Harney:

"Live with Him.
Live like Him.
Live for Him."

I Need Input Re: Bible Study Ideas

Ok, so I am planning to write a bible study but have no idea what to write it on! There are so many options and I'm having a hard time settling on one.

I would love some input if you are willing?!? What topics would you want to see covered in a bible study if you were to take one? Would you prefer it be on a person from the bible? Or on a specific subject?

I have taken both types of studies and have loved each one! I've done them on: the life of David, Breaking Free (from strongholds, guilt, etc), Psalms of Ascent, the Pentateuch (first five books of the bible). Can you tell I LOVE bible study? Those are just a few of the ones I've taken. I know that writing one on a specific subject or person would be easier than a more abstract topic.

One subject that speaks to me, though, is overcoming guilt and a sordid past. Maybe that would make for a good starting point. Write what you know, ya know? I'm still praying about all this but would still love some feedback on what people would actually like to learn. I plan on doing much research and learning along with what I'm writing.

Anyway, that's a wrap for now. I look forward to your feedback. Someone? Anyone? People I don't know who have stumbled across this blog, this means you too!

Toodles!

On Worship...and My Past

Today was a great day of worship! Actually, for me it began last night. As you may be familiar, I am a lyrics operator at my church, which basically means I select and set up the backgrounds and lyrics slides for our worship services. We had guest worship leader/songwriter, Jared Anderson, lead worship for us. Rehearsal (for me) began at 8 p.m., when Jared arrived. However, I arrived about 20 minutes early. Our Shoreline band was practicing prior to Jared arriving, and they were absolutely rocking it! They had the songs down pat, and when Jared arrived, they completely nailed it. Our worship band amazes me each day! I think Jared was blown away also.

I'd have to say that Jared's song, "Great I Am," takes me to a place in my mind where it is just God and I. It takes me back to the moment I first accepted Jesus as my savior , and fell in love with Him, a little over 8 years ago. I had previously been in a pit so deep and slimy I never thought I'd be able to claw my way out. And, in fact, I wasn't able to...not without Him. I was about to get back into a relationship that had previously ended, not by my choice. The guy was wanting to rekindle it. It was completely unhealthy. I cannot even begin to tell you how much so. I was also on major pain medication and muscle relaxers because I had hurt my back. I was completely depressed and probably more susceptible to getting back into this relationship. My son had been visiting with his grandparents a few hours away. When he returned, he told me how much he liked going to mass with them. I had been considering going to Shoreline for years but had never gotten the guts to do so. I wasn't brought up with church, God, Jesus, or anything of that nature. I figured, though, that I should keep up my son's momentum with the churchgoing so we went to Shoreline that first Sunday.

I fell in love. The pastor was doing a sermon on a book the church was reading called The Purpose Driven Life. The sermon hit home with me so much so that I bought the book that day and read it within just a few more. Apparently God was working on me during that time because my friend asked if I'd like to borrow her bible. I did, expecting that it would read like Greek as it always had previously. To my amazement, I could understand it this time! I couldn't remember if my friend had said to read John or 1John or any of the other Johns, so I read all of the above. A few days later, my friend sat with me while on a break at work and I accepted Jesus into my heart. A month later I was baptized in a small pool during a freezing cold day in November.

I was terrified! I felt like I had to "be good." And was I ready for this commitment? What if I changed my mind? Would lightning strike? I felt like my heart was flip-flopping in my chest all of the time, much like being in an exciting new love relationship. And that is just what it was!

Mostly because I was afraid of messing up, I did not go back into that relationship, and because of that, I (Jesus) probably saved my own life. I have no idea what the consequences would have been, but Jesus loved me enough to spare me. I won't say that the next 8 years were a walk in the park...there have definitely been ups and downs. Times when I have questioned my faith, argued with God over the "unfairness" of situations, backslid...you name it, I've probably done it wrong.

But I have to say, the last year I have experienced more growth than I ever thought possible. I went from reading the bible a few times a week, when I had time, to making time to read it each day. I began writing for the card ministry which I love so much. Last December I joined the Shoreline Production Team and have really found my niche. I love it! I get to be behind the scenes but still involved in the music which I love so much. I think God has provided me with the gift of doing it well. I am also involved in a women's bible study that offers me such support and fellowship. I actually hear God's promptings for my life instead of making my own decisions and hoping God said yes to them. When there is no answer, I know that this, itself, is an answer not to proceed until I hear his ok. I cannot emphasize how much that even if you feel you have no idea what you are doing, if God prompts you to serve, jump in and do it! I wasted seven years being too afraid to budge, thinking I was not equipped to do anything. My church offers training and they are so patient and supportive in helping one find the right ministry. Everyone is given gifts and these gifts must be used to promote the kingdom of God!

Even while writing this, I think I have heard a prompting of His will for my life. I've felt for a couple of years that I am supposed to write a bible study. I always push this call aside because I feel like I am ill-equipped and really have no idea where to start. Should be taking a spoonful of my own medicine right? I've written excerpts of situations from the bible, really trying to place the reader right into the situation, to give them the feel for it. I've shared these with the ladies from my previous bible study and they informed me I must do something with my gift of writing. I still declined. But recently I have rekindled a friendship with someone from my youth who is also a writer. We've been writing short stories and entering writing contests, all the while encouraging each other each step of the way. I've also started writing this blog and another. I KNOW how to write! And I think I do a decent job of it most of the time. Thus, I CAN answer this prompt from God, and really, I must! I've been forcing myself to write within the time constraints of contests as well as the word limits. This has been good practice, and I may continue to do so. But my heart hasn't been completely in it, and I believe this is because I am supposed to be writing something else, something in obedience to my Lord. I know it will be a lot of work, but it is my calling. He will guide me each step of the way. I have no idea where this will take me, but i f nothing else---I will have researched and learned so much more about the God I love and serve and love TO serve! I've no idea how to get published, or even what to base the study on at this point. I just know that I must do. So off I go...thanks for listening/readin!

In the Palm of Your Hand

In The Palm Of Your Hand

You pulled me out of the fire
Into Your strong embrace
Now I can stand tall
Through the trials that I face

You never leave me
Never forsake me
Hold me in the palm of Your hand
With You so near me, forever I'll stand

You lifted me from the depths
Brushed me off once again
Now I can stand firm
And cast away my sin

You never leave me
Never forsake me
Hold me in the palm of Your hand
With You so near me, forever I'll stand

One day, You'll lift me from this world
And we'll come face to face
How will I respond
When shown Your mercy and grace?

How will I respond
When shown Your mercy and grace?
O, Lord, Your mercy and grace

I Come Undone

I Come Undone

I once hung my head in shame
Didn't know You, how Your love rang true
How sorry I am
For the things that I did

But You died on the cross for my sin
How can words be enough to thank You for this love
How grateful I am
My heart feels alive again

I come undone by Your love
It sends shivers through me
How my sould longs for Thee
I come undone by Your love

This world is heavy with sin
Come back to this place, please bring us Your grace
O, I beg this of You
How we long for Your truth

And when the end has come
Your voice will ring out, how the angels will shout
How joyful I am
To have called You my friend

I come undone by Your love
It sends shivers through me
How my soul longs for Thee
I come undone by Your love